Pet performance reviews
Your pet is due for a review.
Turn your household’s least accountable employee into a custom corporate personnel file—written with sharp workplace humor and delivered ready to share.
Five quick questions. Digital delivery. No corporate jargon left unweaponized.
Actually personalized
Every joke is based on your photos and answers.
Written by humans
Comedy judgment, not generic name-swapping.
Made to circulate
Polished files for gifting, posting, or disciplinary hearings.
The process
HR paperwork, minus the dignity.
You provide the evidence. Pawformance turns habitual misconduct into an impeccably formatted personnel record.
- 01
Submit the employee
Upload clear pet photos and answer five questions about their title, habits, strengths, and recurring policy violations.
- 02
We build the case
We assign a credible corporate role and write specific, deadpan copy around the behavior management has observed.
- 03
Receive the file
Download polished, share-ready documents for the group chat, office wall, gift exchange, or annual review meeting.
Inside the personnel file
A complete corporate identity for a deeply unserious colleague.
Employee ID & headshot
A convincing badge and executive-ready portrait.
Résumé or profile
Questionable experience, inflated skills, impeccable positioning.
Annual review
Strengths, development areas, attendance, and boundaries.
Awards & warnings
Recognition or corrective action, according to the evidence.
Packages
Choose the appropriate level of intervention.
Straightforward one-time pricing. Exact package details and delivery formats are shown before checkout.
Performance Review
A custom annual review for one pet—the ideal first disciplinary record.
$19–$29
Select reviewMost complete
Complete Personnel File
A coordinated digital package with profile, ID, review, warning, certificate, and org-chart placement.
$39–$59
Build the fileTeam Package
Corporate coverage for 2–4 pets, including roles and team dynamics.
$99–$179
Review the teamManagement is waiting
Put their performance on the record.
Upload the evidence, answer five quick questions, and give your pet the annual review they have worked so hard to avoid.
Start a Pawformance review